Anywho,
We are four days into the new year and I must say things are going quite well! Hell, I made it! 2012 was a rough one for me. Between the asshole lady who ran and red light and slammed into the side of my truck, rupturing my ACL, the surgery and recovery following it...2012 tested my grit. I come from strong stock, coupled with God's grace, mama made it through, but I would like to go on the record as saying I wouldn't have been angry if it had been a smidge easier.
Just a smidge easier would have been appreciated. Am I the only one? I can't be the only one. I refuse to believe I'm THE ONLY ONE.
But now that 2013 has arrived, I'm determined to get things pushin' 'round here!
First up, Booski of the Week:
Keri Hilson is one blessed woman...
And besides being beautiful, Ibaka is pretty damned good at his job. They don't call him IBLOCKA for nothing! He has definitely put OKC in my top five this year.
Secondly, I am going to be published this year!!!!! YAY!
All signs point to a neon 'yes' for my first book to finally be on the market early this year. It's been a long road. I've learned a lot and look to continually grow as an author/writer. When the details of everything fall into place I will post more including, title, snippets, cover art, etc...so please be on the look out.
And lastly, I want to end on a funny note. I came across this website (although what I was searching, I couldn't tell you) and found myself tickled.
It's from sexhax.com and outlines the different options men have when peeing with morning wood. There is also a link that called 'Urinary Hacks for Women' but I didn't find that one nearly as funny as the one for men.
Well, thats it for now. Until next time!
How to Pee With Morning Wood
Every morning men wake up to this catch-22: you desperately have to pee, but you have an erection, which makes it hard to urinate, but the hard-on won't go away until you empty your bladder. It's almost impossible to aim at the toilet when your penis is pointing the wrong way, so you end up peeing on the wall, the floor, or yourself.
You may have developed your own technique for dealing with this catch-22, but if not, here are some methods to take care of the aiming part, customized for the angle of your dangle.
Flying Wallenda
If your erection angles up acutely, pointing at the ceiling, you’re out of luck. Your best bet is to install a trapeze over your toilet so you can hang upside down and let gravity do the rest. Warning: Attempting this maneuver using the shower curtain rod may result in head injury.
Strong Arming
This is the brute force method. If your penis points straight
out or up, you may have to bend it to your will. Grasp the shaft or press down
on the top gently but firmly so your boner bends downward, pointing toward the
bowl. Keep the pressure on and don’t let it slip, or you may end up spraying the
wall or squirting yourself in the face. Note: In some cases this won’t work
because bending constricts the flow of urine too much. If your erection is too
hard, don’t force it down – you could break something, seriously.
The Lunge
If your morning wood slopes at a downward angle, consider yourself blessed. All
you need to do is lunge forward so your stream of urine angles into the toilet.
This prevents you from overshooting the bowl. Toward the end, as your stream
gets weaker, you can deepen the lunge to avoid dribbling on the floor.
Downward Dog
The Plank
Another one for guys who point straight out or slightly down. Stand a foot or
two away from the toilet and lean forward, supporting your weight by putting
your hands on the wall above the toilet. Take aim and hold your body rigid. This
position also strengthens your abs and core muscles.
The Girly Man
Sometimes you just have to suck it up and sit down to pee. Sit on the john with
your legs apart and lean forward so your penis points down into the bowl. You
may have to press down on your erection slightly to make sure you don't pee out
and down the front of the bowl. And no, sitting down doesn’t make you any less
manly, especially if there are extenuating circumstances. What? You say it’s so
long you can’t keep it from dragging in the water? Oh, alright then.
Leg Up
It’s not uncommon to have an erection that curves to one side or
the other. If yours does this, you’ll need to compensate accordingly. Use the
bathroom walls to brace yourself as you balance on one foot and tilt your body
until your curve is pointing down toward the toilet bowl. You might want to
install a grab bar by the toilet if you do this regularly.
Superman
If you're a man of steel in the morning, you might as well be a superhero. Tie
on the bedsheet for a cape, mount the bowl in a single bound, and make like
you're flying. Hopefully the pressure relief will be like Kryptonite for your
boner.
Funny right? The full site can be found here: http://www.sexhax.com/peeing.html
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